Mother's Day special: Life as a working mom is HKG 🎉

When one starts working in a new job, both men and women normally faces similar challenges. However, when that person happens to be is a mother, she typically takes on a lot of additional responsibilities as compared to a father. Responsibilities that normally our society still thinks are mothers and not fathers. For a mother, the existing obligations and tasks which are already skewed to the mothers, are now multiplied many folds.

A working mother is of course expected to continue to take care of the order in the household, be an understanding mother and a good wife. Additionally, she is now also expected to be a good and productive employee and in charge of a healthy social life of the family (organise play dates for kids, inviting our friends over, outing for the family...).

In today's world, as the challenges of work life increase, being a working mother if you cannot arrange the balance between all these different spheres of responsibilities, many problems can arise. Here I'm sharing with you, my story.

Hello readers, I'm Ayse. And I suffer from the "Supermom Syndrome”. Being a good spouse,Being a good homemaker,Being a good businesswoman,Being a good mother! If you are already tired on imagining the implications of each element of this list, imagine the difficult of doing these things together and sometimes at the same time. Especially if you don't get any help.

But for some reason, in many societies, expectations from women are oriented in this way. Being a working mother means taking on the responsibilities of both work life and family.

Being a working mother means that when you see a call coming from school or home while you are at work and your heart beats so fast.

Being a working mother means still having your children as the focal point in your life but at the same time feeling conflicted in your priorities sometimes.

Being a working mother means going to work in the morning without having slept the night before as you were checking your sick child's temperature all night.

Being a working mother means going to work with a breast pump.

Being a working mother means going to places your children want to, during your well-deserved annual leave etc etc...

In this process, you lead your life in automation. You are just trying to make everybody happy with the Super Mom that you are. Everybody but you. This is because, in addition to the Supermom Syndrome, I also started to struggle with the feeling of guilt. In my race of playing the different roles, I realized that it was not possible to do all the things expected of me, in the best possible way.

This syndrome of trying to be Supermom and a Guilty mom is not so rare in women after childbirth and can last for a short period or unfortunately for some including me, can continue for a longer time. This state gets accentuated when these mothers decide to go back to work, and it is well known fact that working mothers face issues when they have to manage their work leaving behind their young ones. In my case, I tried hard to tell myself that I could do it like to many other working mothers out there. Despite this, I could not help feeling this constant sense of panic and guilty and felt the stress like a ball in my stomach.

Mothers like me, feel that in spite of our best efforts, we do not able to provide adequate attention and support to our children. In today's world where the internet and social media is widely used, seeing other mothers doing so many things with such ease and realizing that we do not...triggers all these negative feelings in us. It's only later on after reflecting on it alone and with my husband, I realized that there was no end to this comparison. I realized that what I needed to do was to set aside my concerns and focus on managing my time well, thinking positively, and spending quality time with my kids and my family. I also realized that no one and nothing is perfect. I had to believe in myself and be kind to myself. Even if it's late, I finally understood. And that's what counts!

From my experience, it is important to learn to manage your time. You may not be able to spend 24 hours with your child/ children but if you can spend quality and more effective time with them- it's all worth it. By doing so, you distance yourself from unnecessary tension, conflicts, blaming others for your tiredness and distress, feeling inadequate and powerless. And finally, all negative emotions.

The essence of motherhood is actually very complex, challenging, tiring, yet fun and enjoyable. When your child calls you "Mom," all the fatigue, worries, and anxieties disappear instantly.

In advance, Happy Mother's Day to all. Wishing all you lovely ladies who follow the path of love and provide unconditional love to their children, despite all the difficulties, a lovely day!